you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
