Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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