This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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