So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
