I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
