The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
