his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's never too late to be topless.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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