I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
