Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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