What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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