The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
