at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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