So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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