singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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