is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
