I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
