my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
