I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
