just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
