last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
