WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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