I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want a musical about memes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
