my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
