The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
