So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
last night I used snow as a chaser
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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