I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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