i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
