never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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