Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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