Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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