I puked a lego.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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