His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
