She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
