All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
