just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
