you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
