So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
