so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
