Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
