Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
