Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
