im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
