i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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