you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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