My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
