I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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