She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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