At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
