Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
