you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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