I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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