i don't like sucking hair
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
