Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
